


Fluorescent Lighting

by Shikawa



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Asexual Character, Asylum, Bipolar Disorder, Despair, Freedom, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Independence, Insanity, Medicine, Murder, Suffering, Trans Female Character, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:39:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shikawa/pseuds/Shikawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Date of Admission: August 30th, 1982.<br/>Patient name: Alois Trancy, formerly known as Jim Macken .<br/>Age of Patient: 14 years of age.<br/>Sex of patient: Male<br/>Date of birth: November 5th, 1968.<br/>Supposed cause: Is mentally ill, suicidal, homicidal and manic depressive.<br/>Marks of violence: murdered two people, and has self inflicted cuts.<br/>Brought by: Arthur Randall, of the Rose burg police station."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Emotionally Tormented

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: While reading consider, that some material may be sensitive. I do indeed know that this sort of stuff is quite extreme. If you are uncomfortable with the subject, I advise you to leave. The contents are pretty graphic.  
> The story is told in Alois's point of view in the first three chapters. Then, it switches to Claude's point of view. Enjoy. Read with discretion.  
> -Queen-Booty-shorts

I remember the day ever so clearly, as if though it had just happened yesterday. If memory serves me right, I was feeling pretty happy. Skipping all the way home, feeling so happy. I was skipping. I could see through my eyes even now, me going up and down. I finally got home. I was reaching in my pocket, eagerly grabbing the key, to place it into the key hole. Until, I realized, the lock was opened. No, not opened, broken. I began thinking the worst of things. I turned away from the door, but just for a few seconds, catching my breath. I turned towards the door, and opened it. To my surprise it seemed fine. Though, it was messy, and not just any sort of messy, it looked wrecked. I didn't see sight of Hannah or Andrew ; my adoptive mother and my biological brother. Normally Andrew would cling to me, hold me tight, scream my name. And Hannah would help me with my homework, if I needed it. Fuck, I was really freaking out. This was odd. God, I'm feeling so anxious. I can feel my heart beat so fast, It was nearly pumping out of my chest. I walked slowly through the house. One foot in front of the other foot. Slowly. I looked in Andrew's and my room. He wasn't there. Hannah's room. She wasn't there. I've checked almost everywhere in the house, and it seemed that I was back at the starting point. I'm really worried not. No, not worried. More like apprehensive. Then, I forgot the bathroom. Weird place to check, and me expecting they'd both be there, but I was afraid at the moment. I walk towards the bathroom. Taking slow steps. I flip on the light. The bright color of white, hurt my eyes. The door is right in front of me. It's closed. This is the only place they could be, that I knew of. I reach my hand out to the door handler. The metal on it, cold. I turn it slowly. The door opens, and I push it forward. What I saw next was a scene out of the slasher films you could watch at the drive in. Though, I wasn't at the drive in, and this wasn't the cinema. This was the sickness of reality. There was blood covering every wall. Blood was mixed with water in the bath tub. All over the mirror. And the air had the aroma was of something rotten. I finally looked to the floor; It was them. I started screaming. My knees buckled and I feel to the floor. I vomited at the smell. I stood up, trying to quit gauging ,but the smell was vulgar. I tried walking into the bathroom, my feet touching the floor. I slipped over the blood. And I screamed.


	2. Corvallis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scream is heard ,but nothing is done until later on. Tears are meant to be cried for the ones we love. And if we close our eyes we can sometimes see those loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote two drafts of this. The first one I wrote down during a block. The second one is basically the plot for this one. Sorry that the chapter is so short. I promise to write more in the next chapter. I hope you like this one!  
> -Queen-Booty_Shorts

**“Why can I never go back to bed? Who's is the voice ringing in my head? Where is the sense in these desperate dreams? Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?”**   
_― Emilie Autumn_

My throat ached from bellowing, though I proceeded. I was petrified. My shirt was drenched in blood, I put my hand on the blood stained shirt . I moved my hand up to eyes level. I had the blood of the only people I cared about on my very hands. The red fluid, made me feel dizzy. Gore, gore it was indeed. My eyes are wide. They began to question tears. Of course, I agreed. I began to shed cold tears, I could feel them streaming down my face like a river. I weep and weep, it's so hard to control. Then my voice is howling loud sobs. Normally, I would just cry, no sobs, but this was different. I just lost the only people who I've ever cared about. I look at my hands again, I tear fell on my hands, that have been tainted with blood. Tears and blood mixed, disgusting. I remember my body falling over and I slept.

When I woke up. I was in a car. It was moving. I sat up, and adjusted my posture. I tried moving my hands but it was difficult, I couldn't see very well, so I didn't know what was happening. "Where am I? What's happening?" I blurted out, still a bit sleepy. The man driving answered in a deep voice " We are in Corvallis at the moment. Though, Portland is still very far." I asked " I don't live in Portland. I live in Roseburg, Oregon. What the hell is happening?" I didn't receive an answer from the driver or the other officer in the passenger seat, who was reading a 'LITHE' magazine. "Give me some god damn answers, you bastards." I said yelling now. The other officer in the passenger seat told me "Shut up! Just go back to sleep." I knew if I said anything more, I'd probably get the same response or at least a similar one. I layed down on the car's seats, and I closed my eyes. I eventually fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, 'LITHE' magazine, is a parody of a porn magazine.  
> -Queen_Booty_Shorts


	3. Welcome to the loony bin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The door is open. To me, my hands are held behind my back. They force me down into a chair. And the record plays, but what will it show."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while since I wrote for this one. I'm sorry for that. I've had a terrible block, and I have been very depressed. Though, I now have inspiration. I'll tell you when the transition of point of view is happening. Most likely in the 4th or 5th chapter. By the way, P.R. AND F.D. stand for Porn reader and Friendly Driver. Enjoy!  
> -Queen_Booty_Shorts

I feel I'm being shaken. I open my eyes slowly. Through the daze of my eyes, I see the two familiar faces of the police officers. I'm hearing the porno reading one yelled "Wake up kid! Wake up!" I fully open my eyes, at the sound of his screechy voice. "What is my?" I asked, I'm feeling weary. "Were here you little shit." P.R. said. He opens the door to the car. He signals me to exit the vehicle, though his eye spoke with fury to get the hell out of the car. I slowly slide out of the car. When I stand on the floor, I fall. My legs feel numb. "Get up!" P.R. yells. I tried, but I felt to weak. Then, I feel his hand pulling the back of my hair, forcing me to get up. It was painful. I move my hands, they are free from the handcuffs. I would have pushed him off of me, and ran away. That would be my last chance of freedom. Though, the pain was unbearable. I'm walking my weak legs where I'm forced to step, by the direction of my hair being nearly pulled of my hair. I look behind myself. There is a huge black gate, it has huge brass bars, painted over messily. It has words on it, but I can't read it. It looks, confusing, well it is indeed backwards. I'm forced to look forward as, I enter a worn out building, though it's still in service, it appears. I'm being sent through many rooms, still the offices has his hand in my hair. Then, we finally pause in a a room with awful lighting. I'm thrown in to a chair, and a androgynous person is in front of me. It had long hair that at least went up to it's waist. It has glasses, with a sort of chain that held them on to the neck.

"Hello" It greeted me. The voice was sorta first glance British, but it was more then that, it sounded sassy.  
"Hi" I say nervously.  
" My name is Madame Sutcliff." I-She said putting extra emphasis on the 'Madame'  
"Welcome to The mental institution of Portland. I have been contacted and told about your situation. So, we are holding you here under 72 hour observation, and that will determine is you leave or stay. Now, we shall fill your application. " The strange looking woman, took a record and turned on the recorder.  
She cleared her throat "Date of admission: August 30th, 1982 11:40 P.M. Patient name: Alois Trancy, formerly known as Jim Macken. Age of Patient: 14 years of age. Sex of patient: Male. Date of birth: November 5th, 1968. Supposed cause: Is mentally ill, suicidal, homicidal, a sadist , traumatic sexual abuse and manic depressive. Marks of violence: murdered two people. It says three on your record. Anyhow, murder of three people; Ciel Phantomhive, Luka Macken, and Hannah Annofellows. Has self inflicted cuts. Brought by: Arthur Randall, of the Rose burg police station. "  
She turned the recorder off, through the entire recording session, she wrote down these things. "You're all set, Trancy. Though, your number! You shall be d1568T. Think of this as a reward. Chaser! Come!" She spoke every single word with gusto with suspense making it should like she was in a Shakespeare play. A muscly man comes to the room to take me away.  
I stand up, and wave good bye to the red headed woman. Where am I off to now?


	4. Crazy he calls me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There are a bunch of rooms, that are door less. There are screaming, then weeping, then insanity. There is an empty one, and he threw me into it. I fall to the floor"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I think this is the last chapter of Alois's point of view. If not I should get my shit together.  
> -Queen_booty_shorts

I'm being dragged, through a hall. The man has me held by my hands, behind my back. I feel my arms becoming numb. I try to move them, though when I do, he wraps his hands around me tighter, I can feel then bruises in development. The hall is almost a corridor, it looks like it's getting bigger and bigger. Then, he moves his hand up to my upper forearm, I can feel my skin being turned red, as he presses more and more pressure on my arm. Then, we turn the corner. There are a bunch of rooms, that are door less. There are screaming, then weeping, then insanity. There is an empty one, and he threw me into it. I fall to the floor. He yells "Wait in here, I'll get the doctor in here." He then runs away. I observe my surroundings, it's a room with a grey floor, walls covered with writings-screams, rants, cry for helps, god help me sort of things-, and a bed with blood stained sheets, but just sheets. There was only that, no pillow. A guy in a suit, fancy suit, comes in with a bag. Like a huge bag. He smiles "Hello Trancy, I will be your therapist and I will be giving you the medication you need." I look to the floor, tearing up. "Um, I'm afraid I don't understand, why must I be here? I'm not insane. Why must I be at the loony bin?" I spoke with most anger. "Now, now. If you were working here and you said you wanted to work with 'insane' people or work at 'the loony bin' ,they would mark you off immediately. Listen we want to help you. You need help, you want help don't you? This is not to make you think you're 'crazy' ,you just need help." He told me, with evidence to back him up. He had probably been here for years. I sigh "O-okay." He grabbed my arm. "please remain still, d1568T" He said. I questioned "What?" He rolled up my sleeve , I feel the cold latex gloves to my skin. He places his fingers at a certain area. Then, he takes out a needle syringe, and pushes it into my skin. I'm weeping, these aren't the normal shots you get at the medical office, the needle was thicker and placed more pressure. It pulls back, with a sample of my blood, it looks like allot. I leaned my head against the wall. I'm breathy hard, it hurts. I try to catch my breath. It my just be that I'm sensitive to blood loose. Maybe, I've always been like that. He then puts a medical nightgown next to me. "Here, put this on. It's a policy, that you wear the uniform you are given." What the fuck was this, a academy? He leaves. Though I'm afraid, of someone walking into my room, and watching me dress. I really don't care anymore, I have had many things taken away from me. Why not add insanity to the list of traits?


	5. I'm seeing crazy things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " I've come to the realization were I know that some of the things that I have been thinking about lately aren't sane. I contemplate murdering my 'doctor' , taking all of my prescribed pills all at once -causing a overdose- , and drowning myself in the shower. I have allot worse things up in that corrupted waste of space called my head....."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter. I have been pilled up with school work, and I have had five schedule changes. It's all been a very stressing experience. I'll promise to write more soon. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> -Queen-booty-shorts

I'm wearing the white dotted hospital coat my ' _doctor_ ' gave me. It has been a few days since my arrival, at the ' _Mental Institution of Portland for the questionably Ill'._ I'm sitting on the grey floor of my room, I feel dizzy. I have been given a high amount of _medication, and shots._ I have also been forced to _socialize_ with the other patients. The _behavior_ is different for each and everyone that I have met. Some are just depressing to talk to, others insane. Few have attacked me. The first one who attacked me had wide eyes, and ran into my room. They tried to choke me, though they were stopped by a near by _staff_. Another person tried to take my medication, and the most recent one r-touched me inappropriately in the shower. The shower was a stall less place, with broken green tiles. Showers were meant to be taken  quickly. I assume the reasoning is ,because the privacy issues. I try my best to take my shower's quickly, the water is crystal blue, but it burns. I don't even believe it's real water. I have  been going to my 'doctor' -his name is Sebastian- for therapy. It hasn't been going bad or well, so it's mediocre. We argue allot, toss subjects around, asked me a shit lode of questions. My experience so far would be described as disturbing, strange,  interesting. But things are off in my mind. I've come to the realization were I know that some of the things that I have been thinking about lately aren't sane. I contemplate murdering my 'doctor' , taking all of my prescribed pills all at once -causing a overdose- , and drowning myself in the shower. I have allot worse things up in that corrupted waste of space called my head. I honestly think, that I may be losing my mind. But that's- **that's impossible**. A insane person cannot realize , that they are insane. Why must I be here? I haven't done anything wrong, am I suspected of something? Maybe I'll go insane, that is if I continue being here. Going insane, huh? That sounds pretty fucking good right now. 


	6. Switching métier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I young lad is walking to a pub and a late hour. Meeting with a friend. Arguments are done, rants are vigorously spoken. Tomorrow is the day, he will be going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry I haven't been writing often. I have been dealing with some terrible thoughts, and I've been very depressed. Though, I manage to write the next chapter. It's is FINALLY told in Claude's point of view. I will update Outsider as soon as possible. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> -Queen_Booty_shorts

_Monday, January 5th, 1987_. It was a cold day, wind was blowing at a mild rate. The air smelt of _forest pine_ , mixed with millions of different scents, coming off with a _sour fragrance_ in the air. Few people were walking around. Street lights have fog leaving them. _It's at least 9:00 post meridian_ , it's the hour of the day when bars put their alcohol half price. I was meeting with a _acquaintance_ , that I had met at my university over 8 years ago. I was walking at a slow yet acceptable pace. I'm almost was at the bar. I didn't usually go out, I stayed in and worked. Though, the person who I mentioned earlier, said that it actually had to do with a _productive business agreement._ I was at the bar at last. I adjusted my glasses up so they are comfortably on my eyes. I searched for  him in a _latitude direction_. I spotted him sitting at the counter waving for me, to go to where he was sitting. I walk over to him. It's clear he had been drinking, he had his dark raven hair messy. He greets me with a smile. "Claude, I'm glad you could make it. Do you want anything to drink?" His breath reeked of tobacco and alcohol. I say in a _serene_ tone " None of that. I came here to discuss business. I don't need you wasting my time. What did you call me for?" He then leans his head on the counter. He speaks to me in a voice that almost seems as if I'm a naïve child "Claude, honey do you really want to know?" He seems as if he is trying to aggravate me. I always get extremely angry when I'm around him. I yelled, causing a few people to turn their heads "Yes!" He backs up a bit. He sits up straight, like he actually cared about what he was telling me. " I was wondering, since you're a very tolerant person," He stopped in the middle of his sentence. " **Fuck** , could you take over my position at my work place?" I was extremely confused. I was doubting that he was being serious. "You must be joking. Why would you ask me?"  He sighed ' I have already said, you're are a very tolerant person." What the hell is he trying to say? "What does that have to do with anything?"  I said in irate anger.  "You know _my occupation is at a insane asylum._ You have to be extremely tolerant, because the patients are nuts in there. All you hear is screaming, and yelling. It's fucking traumatic, I really can't take much more of this Claude. I have to take care of this one kid, name is  Alois. He is really strange. He is someone, _marvelously intelligent_ , but that what makes him crazy. He talks in a _low, dominant_  voice. He's intimidating and _seductive_. He takes advantage of being this way." He sounded _very much disturbed_. We spent a half hour arguing, ranting about the topic, him being the self-centered simpleton. He also gave a sad excuse, because his inmate Alois bit him. Eventually, I agreed to his request. He then said with a smile "Thanks so much Claude," He gave me a _friendly peck on the lips_ , and pulled back, making a smack sound. " This is really taking some stress out of my life. You know? Even before I asked you, I told my work place that you were taking my place. So, either way you would have to do this. Well, see ya." He stands up, waving goodbye and exits the bar. Leaving me, to a tower of paper work. I sighed. I'll be starting this job tomorrow, eh?


	7. I'm present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heads out to the long road ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!!!!!!!!!!! It seems that it's been years since a new chapter. Lately, I have had a block. The ending of one my favorite anime's (Free! Eternal Summer) hurt me as well. I hope you liked this chapter. Outsider will be posted too.  
> Sorry again!  
> -Queen_booty_shorts

 Tuesday, January 6th, 1987. I had just woken at four ante meridiem. I stayed up most of the night signing that stack of papers Sebastian gave me and refreshing my memory about mental institutions and asylums. I had, layed in bed for at least five more minutes, before rolling out of bed. I go to my drawer, and I picked out the clothes I was wearing for the day. The contents included, a black trench coat ,a long sleeved white collard shirt, black slacks, and brown dress shoes. Before I put my clothes on, I took a quick shower. I didn't take too much time, because my destination is approximately  415 miles, that being at least 7-8 hours of driving, if there is no traffic. I dried my hair, and got dressed. I made sure that there was not a button out of place, a wrinkle if you will. I must look more then presentable. I grab my documents, my résumé, and any other documents I felt I needed. I go outside of my house, and into my car. I'm ready for the long road ahead.


	8. The only to write on the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ink haired gentleman told about his experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I hope you like this chapter.  
> -Queen_booty_shorts

I just pulled out of the drive way, left my house. I had many documents in the passenger seat, notebooks too. The sky was just becoming morning blue, with the white clouds. I turn on the radio, and listen to the forecast. "The weather is gonna be rather cold today, the night with change to the late forties. Later in the week may be a chance of snow." Said the forecast lady in a serene tone. I turned it off. The sky was beautiful. Blue, white, grey. Calm. I wish I would have been that at that that moment. To be frank, I was quite anxious. I haven't ever worked at a place like this before. My job was being a therapist, both physical and mental. They taught me at the university, was now just for therapeutic lessons, also what would play out at a physician's office. I only know what I was taught at school, about medication. I've had to prescribe many pills to my clients. I, myself take medication. Xanax, and Isocarboxazid. I used to have chronic back pain, now I feel numb. The feeling of numbness causes me to be depressed. I began taking antidepressant only a few years ago. 

 


	9. Black cat greeting me at the gates of hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A map not needed, give me a suspicions from my navigation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's been a while since a update and I'm terribly sorry for that. I've just been real busy. I have a question, should I make this into an audio book? Have a lovely day and always, thank you for reading my work.

It began to get warm in the vehicle, causing myself to become a bit irritated. I rolled down the window, while focusing my eyes on the road, as one should. I feel a cold breeze come in, it's relaxing. I see the sky, it's different from what it was in the early morning, but somehow tragically beautiful. I feel strange stupidity for stating such incorrect statement, but I say I have such grace, such opportunity to see such a sky. I see the very end of the freeway, with a sign. An exit from Salem, Oregon. In Portland. Many restless hours have come and gone my way. I see, I have fully sussed, that I do not have any clue to get to my location. I search for a dinner. That's where I suppose someone might fill my confusion with enlightenment. I drive about the streets of Portland, trying to find what I'm in need of. After doing allot of pointless driving, I finally come across one. I enter it driveway, and find a place to park. I pause. I realize I must find a paper with the address. Quickly, I do. I exit my car, with the paper in hand. I close the door firmly. I walk up to the small building. I open the door. A smell of starch fills my nose. I am greeted by a woman with red hair. " Hello sir, are you dinning alone, or are you expecting someone?" She asks with her scratchy voice, that's polite enough. "I'm afraid I just need a bit of navigation. Do you have any idea where this is?" I say as I lean down and point to the address. She nods "I indeed know where that is. A short way to there is to exit from our drive way, go right, continue going straight, and it will be on the left." I thanked her, and wished good fortune. I left. I entered my car. I murmured the directions over and over again. I thought about the way she said them, as if she knew them at heart. I grew suspicious. I exit the parking lot. I take a right, I proceed straight. I turn left. I see a big medical building. It's guarded by a huge brass gate, though it remains opened. I drive my car forward, while going up the small hill. I hear screams, causing me to break in fear. It sounded like animals being cut down. Frightening indeed. These gates can be called 'The Gates of Hell', and a black cat just past. I continue driving up, I see parking spots. There are about two other cars and a bike rack, filled with them. Many of them rusty. I park. I take deep breaths. I grab my papers sit themselves down in the passenger seat. I open my car door, even more anxious. I close it not fully. I open it then close it, firmly again. I walk up to the steps of the building. I knocked on the door. I hear footsteps and then the door opens. " C.F.?" A short boy questioned. I nod. He pulls me into the building, almost making me trip. "We've been expecting you." He says, titillate. He takes me to the front desk. I see a red haired woman with a slightly masculine physique " Hello Claude. " she says through a sharp grin. Her teeth have a red hue with a slight yellow tone. Herself looks dull through age. I hear the lines repeated from the red headed woman " We've been expecting you."

 


End file.
